People Named Siobhan Are Apparently Scary

[Originally a Facebook Note]

I completely supported the 25 Random Things phenomenon on Facebook. A lot of my friends write really well, and they have a good sense of dark and light and serious and silly, and some of the posts were really funny and others were just plain interesting, and I thought that taken together, the things people decided to share about themselves created a unique picture of each person and how they view themselves.

That said, 25 Random Things has spawned a goodly number of bastard children, and it's starting to feel like the first couple years we all had email around this place. I'm a proponent of the whole "nobody's forcing you to read anything you don't want to read" approach to the social side of the internet, but I had no intention of actually participating in any of this crap.

Okay, that's a lie. I've been participating in a lot of this crap. I did the What Your iPod Says About You thing, for example. But I had no intention of actually posting any of this crap to Facebook. It was something I did because I clearly have enough time on my hands (see: Television Shows That Are Annoying Me This Week if you have any reason to doubt the expansively, almost disturbingly open nature of my calendar these days), and I did it because I thought it might be good for a smile or two. But I did not do it to share with Facebook. The plan was to look at the results, laugh, and move on with my life.

Until I did this Google Game thing this morning. The instructions are to type "[your name] likes to" into Google and report the first 10 results. Now. Those of you who know me well (and most of you with whom I'm friends on Facebook know me halfway decently. I hear people talking about the distress they experience discerning how to react properly to friend requests from people with whom they would prefer not to be friends. Let me tell you, I experience no such distress. If didn't talk to you during the four years we went to school together, we don't need to talk now. I reject friend requests. I delete friends who were added during happy, boozy moments at bars courtesy of the dual scourge of iPhone and Facebook Mobile. I'm not sure what this says about me, and it's unlikely that it's something positive, but whatever. I am who I am.)

And who I am right now is someone who has completely lost track of what I was saying. Where the hell was I? Oh. Right. The Google Game. Okay. Those of you who know me well, know that a lot of the reason I started going by Siobhan in college is that the abundantly common first name "Mary," especially when attached to the similarly common surname "O'Brien," was just all a little Plain Jane for me. I never felt like I fully self-actualized in high school. (You like that shit, right?) I'm sure it was actually low self-esteem that was holding me back, but for the sake of argument, let's say it was the name. Siobhan sounded more interesting. Siobhan sounded more fun. Siobhan was the person I wanted to be.

Except that it turns out that Siobhan is also, apparently, a little freaky. Because I pop open Google this morning. I type in "Siobhan likes to" and I'm greeted with the following:

1. Siobhan likes to dancingly drunk around, and sit on the toilet. (I swear to all that is good and holy that this is the first result. Google it yourself folks.)

2. Something boring.

3. Something boring.

4. Siobhan likes to do it in the garden.

5. Siobhan likes to push me into Julia, and Julia into the bushes.

6. Siobhan likes to play with toys during off hours and is trying to study her toes in order to get ahead professionally.

7. Something boring.

8. Something boring.

9. Siobhan likes to partake of the fluids!

10. Siobhan likes to get drunk at SCA gatherings and flaunt her wenchy corset-puppies! (Again, Google it yourself people. I'm not making this up.)

I mean, seriously, what the hell is that all about?? I like to think that I know how to have fun, and I'm generally a good person to have around if you're looking to go out and kick back and just have a good time. But sweet lord! Some of that stuff up there is a little out of control. I'm not sure I'm living up to the Siobhan name, and to be honest, I'm not sure that's something to which I aspire either! Ya'll can call me Mary from now on. I'm reverting!