This quarter's topic, according to the cover of the magazine, is "The Notre Dame I Know," and it turns out that unbeknownst to me, the Notre Dame I know is apparently a loveless, stressed-out, career-focused, and independence-emphasizing existence. Let's review the titles of some of the articles, shall we? On page 26, we have No Time For You: Many Domer 20-somethings are so set on establishing careers that they postpone a relationship, especially if it means romance. Or love. Or marriage. Page 30 brings us Miles To Go Before I Wed: My mother fashioned a life that deserves my admiration, but I've got dreams of my own right now and they don't depend on Mr. Right. I mean, are you kidding me?? I wish I was. But alas, 'tis all true.
Yet, remarkably, this was not the most vomit-inducing element of the magazine. No, I had to flip to the Classes section to find that. Let's review the folks from the Class of '98 who decided to provide us with a little glimpse into their fabulous lives this quarter, shall we?? And let me just say from the outset that apparently these people didn't get the memo about the The Notre Dame I Know either ... I can't say for certain that there's love or romance, but there's definitely sex and marriage, as evidenced by the pile of babies with which you are about to be bombarded. Wait. That doesn't sound good. Let's try again ... as evidenced by the litany of joyous birth announcements that's about to follow. That's better.
At any rate ...
First is Bill Whitman, who is running for U.S. Congress. U.S. Congress!!! My friends and I can't even figure out which football game we want to go to, and this guy's running for Congress. (Admittedly though, I knew Bill Whitman in college, and he was gregarious and charismatic, smart and he certainly seemed like an upstanding guy. If you live in the Ninth District of Tennessee, you should vote for him. Edited because I'm wondering now if it's actually Bill Wittington that I knew, and now that I'm thinking about it, it might have been high school and not college when I knew this Bill W. kid. Hmmm. So you'd better do your own damn research before you vote all you Ninth District of Tennessee-ee-ans. Don't come crying to me when Representative Bill opens up the Arctic to oil drilling or passes some similarly odious piece of legislation. I voted for Bill Wittington.)
Anyhow.
Next up, we've got a two folks in the Army who are both currently serving our country in Iraq. Before being deployed, one of them saved the lives of 20 people in the immediate aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Just when you thought Bill Whitman was making you feel like a drain on society, here come our life-saving freedom fighters.
Awesome. Next up is a guy I went to a dance with in college. We had a wonderful time together, and I was very much looking forward to the plans we'd made to see one another again, but then he decided to get back together with his girlfriend the week after the dance. I had to find this out from a friend, of course. You can't pick up damn phone?? At any rate, he's apparently just had his first child with said girlfriend (now wife). He's a doctor.
Next! More new parents. Not much more information about them.
Next! More new parents. He's a doctor.
Next! More new parents. They're both doctors.
Next! Somebody ran the Chicago Marathon, and a bunch of people went to watch. I'll have you know, Little Miss Chicago Marathon Runner, that I've run *four* marathons, and I had more Notre Dame friends on the sidelines at each of them than you did. Take that! Victory!!! I haven't been totally defeated by the Classes column!!! (I keed!!! I keed!!! Congrats runner girl. That's an awesome accomplisment. And after all, I should know, considering I ran four of them! I keed!!! ;o)
Who's next? More new parents. He just received his PhD.
And then more new parents. They're both lawyers.
And more new parents. And yes folks, another doctor in the house.
Then we close it out with two guys I think I can hang with. One lives in Pittsburgh and the other lives in Chicago, and they both work at computer consulting firms. Whoa, who let the riff-raff into the Classes section?? Computer consultants. Where's your PhD? Your life saving credentials?? Your beautiful bouncing babies??? Computer consultants. P-shaw.
I mean honestly. I'd like to see an update of what the 1,982 of us who didn't write in to let Class Secretary Bob Flannery know about our fabulous lives are up to. "Siobhan's still living in the same dillapidated apartment that she's had for the last six years. Highlights of her day include waking up each morning to discover how much of her bathroom ceiling has fallen into the toilet because her landlord won't fix it. She looks forward to the day when the whole damn ceiling will come crashing down, and in her spare time, she enjoys watching NASCAR and reality TV ... "
That would be a Classes section I could behind!
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