Let's check in again with the Notre Dame Class of '98, shall we?? The new alumni magazine arrived this morning, and the cable's down, but it's too hot to go outside, and anyway, I'm feeling a little woozy from my early morning road race in the crazy heat and humidity ... so I really have nothing better to do is what I'm trying to tell you.
Unfortunately, this quarter's news isn't near as vomitous as last quarter's news. And really, aside from some girl who apparently has been named co-anchor of the CBS news morning show in NYC and nominated for a local Emmy (Holy crap, really?? You rock, girlfriend!), the Classes Section can be summarized as follows:
A guy from Notre Dame married a girl from Notre Dame and a bunch of Notre Dame people were bridesmaids and groomsmen. (3) Likelihood that the Notre Dame Fight Song was played at some point during the wedding: 100%
A guy from Notre Dame who married a girl from Notre Dame had their first kid together. (6) Likelihood that this child was swaddled in something emblazoned with at least one Notre Dame logo during the first 12 hours of his or her time on this planet: 100%
A guy from Notre Dame who married a girl from Notre Dame had their second kid together. (2) Likelihood that this child was swaddled in something emblazoned with at least one Notre Dame logo during the first 12 hours of his or her time on this planet: 65% (The second kid always gets the shaft. You'd better hope your parents are among the doctors and lawyers who wrote in last quarter, kid, or your parents might be out of money by the time you're college aged. Welcome to community college. Maybe we can think about those last two years. Pretend you're Rudy. It will make it all a little easier to take.)
A guy from Notre Dame married a girl who did *not* attend Notre Dame (*gasp*) but don't worry, a bunch of Notre Dame guys were groomsmen. (2) Likelihood that the Notre Dame Fight Song was played at some point during the wedding: 85%
A girl from Notre Dame married a guy who did *not* attend Notre Dame (*gasp*) but don't worry, a bunch of Notre Dame girls were bridesmaids. (1) Likelihood that the Notre Dame Fight Song was played at some point during the wedding: 45%
And some dude named Brian is working at Starbucks. HAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh wait. Nevermind. He is their Innovation Manager, and you can find his products on the shelves of a Starbucks near you. Hey Brian, how's about innovating a little plug to solve my viscosity problem?? Please see my blog for more information. They don't have stickers in NYC.I mean, really. Are you kidding me?? I'm not people.
As for those of us who haven't recently (or ever) updated Class Secretary Bob Flannery about our thrilling lives, the landlord still hasn't fixed my bathroom ceiling, and I'm still eagerly anticipating its massive collapse. A *huge* chunk of plaster landed in the toilet the last time it got really humid. Pretty gross fishing that thing out, lemme tell you. I'm still watching too much reality TV (though Project Runway has replaced The Apprentice since our last quarterly update) and my NASCAR addiction has only grown ever larger, though I'm having trouble fitting everything in, what with the three hours of Tour de France coverage that I've been watching each night since July 1. Oh, and the guy I'm dating will be featured in the New York Post tomorrow ... on a date with another woman. Seriously.
Yes, Bob Flannery, life's just grand.
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